thoughts and words

i realised i have such a fucked up life. angie messaged me and we were catching up a bit. so she was saying she envied my life. and if you people do, please throw yourself into the rubbish bin now. i have a fucked up life.

today after school, went to find albert. was chatting and drinking with him. has been a long time since we done that. ever since i was caught up with work and the things i was doing, never really chatted with him again. so again, we were chatting about MY LIFE. don't know why today everyone wants to talk about my life.

don't ever envy my life. you will never want it. you will never know how it feels to be confined in a room of 4 walls everyday, staying in a place that does not belong to you, facing some "family" one with violence genes, one who doesn't care at all, having to feed yourself and settle your own allowance, forcing you out of your home, and in school, facing a group of brainless people, besties that you think they are all so good but who are selfish beings, in company, face a monster boss who unintentionally nags at you everyday (not because of work), a group of brainless, work less, think they are so great, want to take high pay people and lastly brainless guys whom are all out to bluff you for sex.

gosh. really. you won't want to know what i dream of every night. i can only think of MONEY. how to earn enough to afford a shelter over my head, have myself fed, school fees, phone bills. everyday, i close my eyes, i asked god, where is fairness? there isn't fairness in this world. i hate to say it. really. i was a very devote buddhist so is my bro. but i don't quite agree with it now, with the things i faced and how an adverse effect it is on my bro instead of helping him. i simply think he is crazy, thinking that everything, there will be buddha's help. ok. i don't doubt buddha. but he isn't going to help people who don't help himself.

my mum's departure has really left me crippled in this world and showed me the cruelty in life. i used to be the princess of this house but after she left, i realised i am nothing at all but just someone who thinks she is a princess.

yup, you can go ahead saying serene is trying to get some pity. sorry, i am not. this is my blog. i write what i want and i am ranting. you want, you accept, you don't want, shut the fuck up. this is my life. welcome to my life.

seriously i hate this world so much, much rather this country, that i want to go jump down each time i thought of my fucked up life.

LOL. but if i were to jump down, i wouldn't have been able to drink with albert tonight?

ok. these are the people whom added sugar to my life: my dearest darling always understanding =), my shifu choon hou always praying for me, my best partner who is always so jian yi qi, my best boss ever albert whom i can always talk my problems with, my ever encouraging buddy angie

*i wished my hands and legs weren't that itchy walking this stoopid path with an idiot like a dumb ass*